The 6 Steps
The 6 Steps of Inner Bonding
Practicing the Six Steps of Inner Bonding leads you along the spiritual path of healing the shame and self-abandonment of the ego/wounded self, and creates a profound connection with your personal source of spiritual guidance.
The energy that was drained by disconnection and fear now returns to you, allowing you to live life more fully, experience a fulfilling relationship with yourself and others, and learn to manage the challenges of life in a healthy and sustainable manner.
A brief overview of the Six Steps:
Step 1: Willingness to Feel Pain and Take Responsibility for Your Feelings
In Step 1, you move into the present moment and focus within, tuning into your feelings and emotions. You make the choice to be mindful of all your feelings, including your painful feelings, rather than protect against them with substance and process addictions. You make a conscious decision that you WANT to take responsibility for your feelings, which means that you want responsibility for learning how you are causing your own anxiety, depression, anger, guilt and shame with your own thoughts and actions, and that you want responsibility for learning how to nurture the painful feelings of life - the loneliness, heartbreak and grief that are so challenging.
This begins the process of opening you up to receive the positive energy that enlivens and sustains you.
Step 2: Move into the Intent to Learn
In Step 2, you focus in your heart and invite the compassionate presence of your higher self into your heart.
Now you're ready to focus on "intent" - your deepest desire, your primary motivation. There are only two possible intents you can have in any given moment:
- The intent to protect yourself from pain
- The intent to learn about loving yourself
When you are in the intent to learn you are a loving Adult. When you are in the intent to protect and avoid, you are operating from your shame-based ego wounded self.
This commitment to your intention to learn fully opens you up and allows you to connect with your feelings and your higher self.
Step 3: Dialogue with Your Wounded self and Core Self
With kindness, gentleness and compassion toward yourself, you discover the thoughts/false beliefs from your wounded self that may be causing your shame, fear and pain, and you learn how to release anger and pain in appropriate ways. You uncover false beliefs that were created in the past and have led to the self-abandonment that is causing your current pain and shame. You explore what may be happening with a person or event that is causing the core painful feelings of loneliness, heartache, heartbreak, helplessness, or grief. You explore your core Self - your essence, your inner child, which is your feeling self - and discover what brings you joy.
Only when the unconscious false beliefs that have limited you for so long are understood and identified, can they be replaced by new and healthier truths that will nurture and heal you.
In Step 3, you ask yourself questions, such as, "What am I trying to control?" "What am I avoiding feeling with my protective, controlling behavior?"
Step 4: Dialogue with Your Higher Guidance
In Step 4, you ask your spiritual guidance (whatever that is for you): "What is the truth about the thoughts/false beliefs I may have uncovered in Step 3?" And, "What is the loving behavior toward my Inner Child in this situation? What is in my highest good? What is kind to myself?" You open and allow the answers to come through you in words, pictures or feelings. The answers may not come immediately, but if you have a sincere desire to learn, they will come.
By staying open to learning, you experience that you are never alone. This is where fears fall away and you begin to receive all the love and wisdom you need to take loving action for yourself and with others.
Step 5: Take Loving Action
Step 5 is about telling yourself the truth and taking the loving action based on the information that came through from your guidance in Step 4.
You have opened to your pain, moved into learning, started a dialogue with your wounded self and core self, and tapped into your spiritual guidance. In step 5 you take the ‘loving action' that, over time, heals the shame, anxiety and depression that have been the result of your self-abandonment.
Step 6: Evaluate Your Action
Once you take the loving action, you check in to see if your pain, anger and shame are getting healed. If not, you go back through the steps until you discover the truth and actions that bring you peace, joy, and a deep sense of intrinsic worth.
Turning this daily practice into a way of life is what will protect you from going back into the behaviors and patterns from the past. Much like attending to - say - a child's feelings, you learn to keep a loving relationship with yourself throughout your life, no matter the challenges that come at you. This loving relationship with yourself and your guidance fills you and empowers you to handle life's challenges with strength and equanimity.
Daily InspirationToday, seek Spirit through connection with others. It is easy to know God when sharing love with others. Open your heart to the sharing of love, and seek out those with open hearts. You will most deeply experience God not in the getting of love, but in the sharing of love. By Dr. Margaret
'Amazing. I came to the Workshop to reconnect with my desires and my Inner Child and for that it has helped me tremendously. I also got a lot of insight into resistant/giving in and codependent tendencies I've had in many of my relationships.' Inner Bonding Weekend Workshop, Rowe, MA, 4/10
"It exceeded my expectations, really solidified my hopes and has given me much needed direction for the rest of my life. It was absolutely Awesome. I know there is no such thing as perfect, but it was close." Kripalu 9.18
"I wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed this class. The daily messages were thought provoking and a "gentle" way of looking at how I was causing my own pain. Noticing the pain was just one side because the class also taught me that I was in control of me and what I am telling myself. So empowering!
"My husband and I were on the verge of divorce in April even though neither of us really wanted end the relationship. He has been reading the books and I did the class and we have not had a "yelling, screaming fight" since this class started. We have had conflicts, but they have been so low-key it is hard to remember them. Thanks again for offering this class - It is wonderful to do this online with other people." 4.14
'I wasn't sure what to expect upon entering the workshop - my eyes were definitely opened to how I have developed a pattern of ignoring my inner self and looking to others to fulfill my needs. I have come away with a sense of empowerment and hope that I haven't ever felt before. Thank you!' Kripalu Workshop-Lenox, MA, 9.13
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"This Workshop (lecture & role-play) was very enlightening. I'm inspired to continue connecting with myself through internal process of Inner Bonding - daily and throughout the day." LA Workshop, 7/05
Sue Ellen Cheairs