Embracing my Resistance

Frequently, my attempts to take loving action were met with great resistance. Sometimes I would give into the resistance while at other times "fighting" through it. Either way, I did not feel connected and at peace. This would lead me to question whether I was really hearing the truth from my Higher Guidance or was being fooled by a clever child-adult. It wasn't the action that was creating the confusion - it was my judgement of the resistance. Webster defines resistance as, "an opposing or retarding force" - a definition that can certainly be judged negatively. So, in judging my resistance, I felt as bad as when I tried to change it.

Like any other feeling, though, resistance isn't bad or good - it just is. It is simply a protection that needs to be embraced and explored like any other feeling, surrendering to the knowledge that there is a very good reason for the resistance and opening to learning about it.

At a recent five day Inner Bonding intensive, my willingness to "just notice" my resistance opened the door to my learning about it. No longer treating it like the enemy, I was able to embrace it as a friend. In doing so, I embraced the child inside that uses resistance to protect against feeling fear, pain and loneliness.

My memory of the childhood event which created the tough, resistant little girl provided me with many lessons. For starters, I finally grasped a deep appreciation for the ingenuity of this young girl. I watched in my mind's eye as she made a very "grown-up" decision to erect a wall of resistance to the otherwise overwhelming feelings of pain and abandonment. I was also led to a deeper appreciation and acceptance of all her protections. Each was created for the very same reason - to survive in the face of loneliness.

A second lesson took a few weeks to be fully realized. Part of loving this child meant holding her, yet I learned it wasn't going to be easy. Although I had a strong desire to do so, I soon learned that she wasn't ready to fall into my arms. Visualizing her is easy - standing or sitting, she faces away, posture defensive and stiff, a darkness surrounding her. My early attempts to wrap my arms around her were met with anger and, of course, resistance. Working with a trusted counselor after the intensive, I was able to learn an effective technique to love her in her resistance. I surrounded her with the light of love and universal energy while allowing her to just be. Since begining this process I have noticed a relaxation in her posture and the dark field aroung her is shrinking. Over time, accepting and loving her for who she is will help bring down her walls of resistance and heal her loneliness.I am taking baby steps and succeeding with consistent and patient love.

Learning to surrender to the truth and letting go of judgement is never easy, yet doing so opens us to healing and a deeper inner love. Embrace and love all of your inner children and their protections, for they are truly clever.