How often have you had the experience of knowing something for a long time - such as knowing in your mind the difference between the intent to learn and the intent to control - and then suddenly really knowing it because you have a deeper experience of it?

It happens to me all the time. I think I know something and then suddenly it is as if I never really knew it until this moment. Suddenly it’s like a film has been lifted from my eyes and heart and something that I've heard over and over has a whole new meaning for me. Suddenly, in that moment, I feel it in my whole being. I experience levels, layers, depths of perception that I never experienced before.

How Does This Happen? Why Does It Happen?

While I love when this happens, I also often feel perplexed that I never saw it in this way before. The only explanation that I have for it is that learning happens in layers, and I couldn't get to the current layer until I had understood the previous layers. And I do believe that the layers never end - that I will continuously discover new levels of understanding of the same concepts throughout my life.

Intent is a good example of this. While I have certainly understood the difference between the intent to learn and love, and the intent to protect, avoid and control for many years, I am often stunned when a new level of understanding emerges for me. This is especially true around the concept of control.

I Thought I Understood…

When I first stumbled upon the two different intents, I thought I understood what it meant to be in the intent to control. Looking back, I realize that I actually had no idea what this really meant! I had no idea of the subtleties of control. I had no idea that a person could seem to be completely open and still be in the intent to control. I had no idea that controlling behavior could be applied to our own feelings and actions, as well as to others’ feelings and actions, as well as to the outcomes of things.

My own understanding had to start with the concept. It had to start in my mind. But my mind is not capable of completely understanding this concept, so as long as it just stayed in my mind, my understanding was limited.

With Inner Bonding I Could FEEL the Difference

When I started to practice Inner Bonding abiut 40 years ago, I finally had a process for bringing the understanding into my feeling experience. As I practiced tuning into my feelings and learning how to take responsibility for them, I began to feel the difference between when I was controlling and when I was learning. But because the differences can be very subtle, as I began to understand one form of control, sometimes another would emerge a while later, giving me yet another chance to learn.

For me, this learning has been a continual process, and I am still often astounded at a new and important understanding of what controlling and learning about loving are really all about.

At the beginning, I used to judge myself for not getting something sooner. "I know this stuff," I would say to myself. "How could I not have understood this?" Now, instead of judging myself, I'm thrilled when I gain a new understanding! I now know that this is the never-ending joyous adventure of learning.

I wonder what else I "know" but don't really know? I can't wait to find out!

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."