People often ask me what kinds of things they should say to their inner child. There are no rules about this; however, it’s very important to remember that the words are less important than the energy, and the energy comes from your intent.

It’s In the Energy

Sometimes people try to memorize words in order to do it right. But this is generally coming from a wounded part who wants to control. The problem here is that our real intent is always communicated through our energy, so when the "right" words are coming from your wounded self, they will not be experienced as loving by your inner child.

On the other hand, when you are truly operating as a loving adult, your energy will be loving rather than controlling, so even if you don't know what words to say, whatever you do say will be experienced as loving.

Having said that, it is always helpful to have role modeling to learn loving ways of speaking to ourselves. Few of us have had adequate experience with seeing people treat themselves lovingly. Below are a few examples of things you can say to your inner child throughout a day: 

• “I’m learning how to be here for you more of the time, and to stay tuned into your feelings. Your feelings are very important to me.”
   
• “I love you and your happiness is the most important thing in the world to me.”
   
• “Thank you for guiding me with your feelings.”
   
• “Your creativity amazes me.”
   
• “It’s truly okay for you to feel this anger, even if it’s at me. I won’t stop loving you no matter how angry you feel at me. It's okay for you to yell at me.”
   
• “It's okay to cry. You are not alone. I’m here for you.”
   
• “It’s okay to make mistakes and to fail. You are lovable even if you make mistakes or fail. You don't have to be perfect for me to love you.”
   
• “You don’t have to do it ‘right.’  I will continue to love you no matter what you say or do, even if you say or do nothing at all.”
   
• "You are so inherently kind and loving. Thank you for being you. I feel so blessed to have you as my true self."
   
• "It is a sacred privilege to care for you."
   
• "Your value is not in your looks or performance. Your value is in the loving being that you are."
   
• "Our guidance knows your worth and loves you deeply. Others cannot know your worth, so I am learning to stop making others responsible for defining your worth."
   
• "It is not your job to take care of others. It is my job to take care of you, and I want the responsibility of taking loving care of you."
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You can also ask your inner child questions, such as:

• “What would you like for dinner tonight?”
   
• “What do you feel like wearing today?”
   
• “Who would you like to spend time with this weekend?”
   
• “What would you like to do this weekend?”
   
• “What kind of vacation do you want to take this year?”
   
• “What kind of exercise is most appealing to you?”
   
• “Are there creative pursuits that you want to be doing?
   
• “What are some of the things you’ve always wanted to do but have never done?"

The loving adult can also ask questions such as:

• “What are you feeling right now?”
   
• “What do you want or need right now?”
   
• “What do you need from me right now?”
   
• “Am I letting you down or not taking care of you in some way?
  How?”
   
• “Have I been ignoring you? Discounting you? Controlling you?
  Judging you? Making another responsible for you? Numbing you out with addictions?”
   
• “I know you’re feeling anxious (or some other painful feeling). What am I telling you right now that is causing this anxiety?"
   
• “How do you feel about the work we do?”

None of these statements are written in stone. As you learn to talk lovingly with your inner child, it is very important for you to tune into what he or she needs to hear from you and the unique kinds of statements and questions that help your inner child feel safe enough to open to you.

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."