I often have clients ask me, "If I just take care of myself and look out for my own highest good, wouldn't I be selfish?"

The answer is, yes and no. Yes, if you are asking the question about your highest good from your wounded self, and no if you are asking it from your loving adult.

When the narcissistic aspect of the ego wounded self asks about your highest good, it is concerned with the earthly level - with acquiring things and money, with achievements and with recognition. According to the narcissistic aspect of the wounded self, it is okay to step over others to get what you think you want or need. The end justifies the means. It is all about you - your wants, your needs, and your desires. This aspect of the wounded self is self-centered and selfish, quite unconcerned about the effect your behavior has on others. It is also unconcerned about your true highest good. It just wants to have control over getting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe.

However, if you ask about your highest good from your loving adult, you are asking about the highest good of your soul.

The loving adult is concerned with your highest good on the spiritual level - about what is in the highest good of the immortal part of you, rather than about what you think you want or need right now. And it is never in the highest good of your soul to be selfish and uncaring toward others. Quite the opposite.

When we are asking about what is in our highest good from the loving adult, we are wanting to support our own highest good and the highest good of all. We know that whatever is truly loving to us is also loving to others. It is never about "I'm going to take care of me regardless of how it affects you."

The loving adult knows that we will never feel good about ourselves when we come from a self-centered place. We came to this planet to evolve our souls in love and fully manifest our gifts. We cannot fulfill our soul's journey when we stay stuck in our wounded self, just trying to get everything we can at anyone's expense.
 

While Inner Bonding is about taking loving care of our self, it is about doing this in connection with our spiritual guidance.

The wounded self wants to convince us that we are being loving to ourselves when we close our heart to protect against being hurt, but being closed-hearted will never make us feel good or safe. Our sense of safety lies in learning to be a loving adult, connected with our guidance, and taking loving action for ourselves without violating others.

Selfishness comes from fear and insecurity, being afraid to care about others for fear of being taken advantage of, and believing that you need others to give themselves up for you. It comes from your abandoned inner child desperately trying to get what it needs from others because you are not taking loving care of yourself. The more you learn to be a spiritually connected loving adult, the more powerful and the less selfish you will become.
 

Far from creating selfishness, the practice of Inner Bonding creates  the opposite.

It creates personally responsible adults who are more concerned with being kind and compassionate with themselves and others than with getting love, attention, approval, or things.

Sometimes clients have asked, "If I become more loving, won't I be weak? Won't I let people take advantage of me? Don't I have to be selfish to be safe from being used?"

Loving yourself and others has nothing to do with being weak. Again, it is very much the opposite. The loving adult, connected with a source of strength and wisdom, would never let others walk all over you, because this would not be loving to you or to them. The loving adult is strong, open, and powerful, willing to take loving action on your behalf - action that supports your own highest good and the highest good of others.

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."