Calling On Spirit

Phones. How many phones do you have? I have one in my New York apartment, one in my New Jersey apartment, one in my hospital clinic office, and a cell phone I carry around all of the time. And let's not forget my computer dedicated phone line. Five phone lines. Oh yes I also have call waiting on three of those phone lines which brings my total number of possible phone conversations at any give moment to eight! I might as well just have a permanent phone attached to my body, then I could give up all of those phone lines and I could afford the King size bed I've been wanting.

So I'm sitting here wondering how did this happen? I mean, it seems like it was just yesterday that I was celebrating my parents giving my brother and me our first phone line when we were in Junior High School. Something must have happened between then and now to make me so dependent on the phone. Hmmmmm.... something about that word dependent. No I'm sure it has nothing to do with....well....okay, maybe a little....alright a lot to do with it.

Now I could go into blaming my parents but we all know where that doesn't get me and I know that my purpose here on earth is to learn self-responsibility. I just don't like to think of myself as an 'addict'. I mean that's for people who use drugs. I'm just trying to feel okay, to take away my emotional pain, the loneliness and the aloneness. Doesn't everybody reach out to someone? I mean who wants to feel pain? What's the point? That's why we have doctors who prescribe medication; to take away our pain.

I like to think of it in AT&T language as "Reaching out and touching someone". So what's wrong with that? Don't I deserve to get something out of it also? Why should I have to deal with my anxiety and despair? I don't hear anybody giving me any better option.

I know what you're gonna say....Inner Bonding, Six Steps. Yeah but I already have all of these phones and it's so easy to just pick up the phone and call someone to fix me. It's easy to find somebody to tell me what to do. I have unlimited calling to anywhere in the United States on my cell phone on nights and weekends and unlimited local calling from my other phones during the day so what's the problem?

Don't tell me, I know.....When I call others to fix me I end up doing what others think is best for me. Then afterwards my inner child goes into despair. Why? Because I didn't do what he really wanted me to do. He wants me to listen to him and value his desires. Am I so reliant on others to feel worthy? Why do I feel the need to try to control them so that they'll give me what I want?

Yes, getting my self-worth from others is a quick fix like a band aid, and boy does it hurt when they pull away! They sense my neediness so they stop calling and wanting to get together with me. Yes, Yes, Yes....I hear what I'm saying. I know you're right. There are some advantages of going directly to Spirit for help with my pain.

Spirit always has my highest good at heart. Calling on Spirit doesn't cost any money. Now we're getting somewhere. I also don't ever have to worry about losing Spirit's phone number because our connection was programmed in me before my physical birth. I really do have a permanent phone line attached to my body; an internal one. Spirit always answers on the first ring and as long as I'm in the intention to learn, I never get a wrong number. You know....I may be onto something here.... And hey! I'm always 'hands free' so I can call Spirit while I'm driving. This is good!

Yeah but what about all those frequent flyer miles I get for using AT&T. I love going on vacations. Oh, that one hurts. Hits my weak spot. But you know what? I do prefer the peace that the presence of Spirit brings more than the anxiety I feel when I call someone and try to get them to take away my pain. Besides, Spirit never rushes me off the phone to watch 'The West Wing' or 'The Sopranos'.

Now that's loving.

Michael Barmak, CSW, LCSW is an Inner Bonding Facilitator in private practice. He works with individuals and couples in person and on the phone and can be reached at 908-276-8191 or michael@michaelbarmak.com.