Holding onto your Inner Child vs. Holding on as a Wounded Child

What does it feel like when you feel completely held? How do you hold your body? Tense or relaxed? Filled with anxiety or at peace? That is some powerful information that your body can give you...in that moment by feeling your body you can be sure that you are either in your wounded self or your loving adult. In contrast, how does it feel when you are hanging on for dear life, fearful that someone might not see you the way you want to be seen? How does it feel when you believe your safety lies in another human being? I venture to guess that is quite a different experience in the body. Light and easy or tense and restricted? Do you feel peaceful? or do you feel anxious?

These are often simple questions with simple answers....yet we make the information complicated by judgment. Am I wounded? I don't want to be wounded, that's ridiculous! I don't want to act from my wounded self! you cry....yet it is the judgment that keeps us stuck. We've all got a wounded self, we all go to those places of our wounds. They arrive not to tell us we're bad, but as a pathway to healing if we allow the information to flow rather than judge it.

Instead of freaking out because you are already anxious....lean into the anxiety to ask "what are you here to teach me?" Be curious about the information. Experiencing anxiety says nothing about who you are, but more about what you are experiencing whether it involves information about your beliefs or your information about an interaction with another. Each time we make room for the information rather than judging it...we're one step closer to acting as a loving adult.

How does it feel to be held by my Loving Adult? There is above all else a sense of peace...even in the most challenging moments....an ease of movement....no tension....a fullness. There is a sense of depth...I can go beyond the current and turbulence of the river of my feelings to the quiet depth and observe that which takes place on the surface...in my mind. My Loving Adult is the observer of my thoughts that brings love and compassion and allows me to connect to my essence without the noise. My Loving Adult holds my Inner Child letting her know she is not her mind, she is not her thoughts but the unchanging, unharmed beauty and love. It is that acknowledgement and observation that creates the safety, the openness and love to flow not only inward, but allowing that love to be the window through which we see and connect to others.

From that place of safety, my beliefs, thoughts and feelings can become information. I can even move past resistance from this place of connection to my loving adult. One exercise I've used is based on the anger process and a guided meditation I listen to. Take out two large sheets of paper and a marker and set it to the side. Begin with a visualization of going to your place of peace...may be a forest, a meadow, the beach.....anywhere that brings you peace. Breathe in love and compassion into your heart. You're going to take a journey.

From this place, imagine yourself on a cloud above all the noise of the world. Invite in those people in your life, one by one, that have caused you, or are still causing you pain. Recall difficult conversations you have had with these people. As you do...take out your piece of paper and write down the name of the person and all that you wanted to say to them but did not, or the things you think they didn't hear. Go through this for one person or for many.

Then go back through the words and phrases....ask your little one as you review..."are any of these the way I treat you?" and underline them. Thank your little one and ask her to help you attach these words to strings as if they were balloons. These are the parts of the wounded self that had served us but are no longer helpful. Draw these words on the other piece of paper within the balloons. Now you can either imagine your little one helping you cut the strings and let the balloons drift away or you can pop them....diffusing their energy.

Take the information of the words and phrases and go through the Inner Bonding process. The process helps the Loving Adult become stronger each time you go through. It may not always feel that way....but think about it as a three steps forward and one step back....you're making progress even if at times it doesn't look that way.

The difference between holding your Inner Child and holding on as a Wounded Child is the difference between being grounded, safe, and strong or anxious, fearful and without grounding. When you embrace your Inner Child there is peace....a depth....moving below the current of the river to the still place that always remains still. The keys to this are intention and presence in the body. What do I really want? What am I feeling? These will bring you to a place of knowing where you are....and direction to where you would like to be.