Healing Your Relationship with Money

Besides primary relationships, relationship with money is the other one highly emotionally charged. It is the cause of many struggles. It challenges relationships with others, and so deeply affects many of us throughout a lifetime. Yet very few of us consciously choose to heal this relationship as well.

If money is your girl-friend what would she say to you?

* You think of me only when you need me.

* You ignore me most of the time.

* You make so much drama and stifle me. 

* You blame me a lot as a cause of your unhappiness.

We humans tend to project our own issues on money and believe we are powerless. Money is energy. Energy is always neutral. It's meaning depends how we use or perceive it.

Money acts as a mirror of self-worth, self-love and deservability. What do self-worth; self-love and deservabilty have to do with money? Everything.

If your self-worth is low you may use money to cover it up by buying stuff, status, or buying presents to others hoping to gain more worth. You may have trouble to ask for a promotion at a current job though deep down you know it is long overdue. You have trouble to clearly state what do you want your new job to be like, or how much you would like to get paid.  Whenever you try to make a change you talk yourself out of it with the same old story it is too good to be true, good things do not happen to you.

If your self-love is low or non-existent you may keep buying things to fill inner emptiness that comes as a result of your self-abandonment. No matter how much you accumulate, or how much someone gives to you, although it feels good in a moment, dissatisfaction creeps in again.

If you do not feel deserving you will be repelling money even when it starts to flow to you. Your fears kick in so you either self-sabotage a good opportunity, or you make good money, and make sure it is gone fast.

If your self-worth is internally defined you know that money is energy. It is infinite and available to everybody. Money is just a measure of value you provide to others through your services. It is as simple as that. Having or not having money would never affect your self-worth - that is an inner quality and cannot be taken away from you.

When deep down you know you are lovable you do not get afraid to change things in your life that may affect your finances. You stay open to learning and growth rather then fearing mistakes. Mistakes are your teacher, not a proof that something is wrong or you are not loveable.

Being firmly rooted in knowing you deserve good things in life, and you do not need to prove or earn anything, allows you to accept life challenges easier. When bad and challenging time comes, as it inevitably happens, you do not go into self-judgement, feel victimized. Very few of us can go through a life without loosing a job or experiencing financial challenges. Feeling deserving allows you to embrace the loss as part of life, to step into the unknown and embrace a change. As you do this you will notice that some doors have closed. But there are a few open, offering you a new opportunity. You will not get stuck waiting in front of a closed door.

You are clear on what you want and willing to take steps to get it. You stop waiting for things to somehow magically fall in place. You are not waiting for others to validate and approve you so that you can take next step.

Healing false and limiting beliefs around money starts with finding them out.

• Who is in charge of your money? Who is managing your bank account - an adolescent or a loving adult? Does your adolescent go into a shopping spree, always telling you don't worry we will have the money once the bill comes in? Is your adolescent fearful? Even though you earn enough money you are holding on to it fearing there will not be enough tomorrow.
• What is your money story? How did you parents handle money? Was it the cause of conflict or it was handled with ease? Exploring money story gives you insight into your money beliefs; many of them are not even yours - they were handed down to you from your family. What are the major beliefs you have adopted?
• Explore your money beliefs. Do you think rich people are evil, greedy etc?
• Do you believe you cannot be spiritual and have money at the same time?
• Do you believe there is not enough? You are just unlucky?
• Do you believe you need to work extra hard, so why bother?
• Do you believe you cannot follow your passion and make money at the same time? Have you been told: Who do you think you are?
• Do you believe even if you earn enough there are less fortunate people or family members out there and you must give to them? It is a sin to spend it on yourself?

Although on the surface the challenges around the money may seem different, and cause different emotional reactions they are worth exploring because it is not about the money. It is about false and limiting beliefs that just get mirrored back to us through the relationship with money. Money is a great teacher.

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Ivanka Jankovic is Holistic Energy Practitioner, the founder of Gaia Holistic Center. Ivanka facilitates lasting change for growth oriented or spiritually minded people who feel overwhelmed, fatigued, frustrated and stuck. Through their work with Ivanka they are able to finally and permanently reclaim their vitality, create loving relationships and recapture the Joy they are missing.