He's Just Not Into Your Wounded Self (and if he is, run!)

     Last year when I attended October's Durango intensive, I sat in the "hot seat" across from Margaret and said "My sister says no more internet dating, go find a matchmaker, find a guy at church, but for goodness sakes (and she used more colorful language) NO MORE INTERNET DATING! You're just meeting freaks and losers." I believed my sister was right, but I longed to share my life with another person, so when Margaret said "Honey, that's how everyone meets these days." (I love when she calls me Honey) I returned home and began my search believing with Inner Bonding knowledge I wouldn't fall prey to the pitfalls of my past. But guess what? Intellectually knowing Inner Bonding and making it a practice in your daily life are not the same thing. I was desperate for attention, running to my computer every time I heard a new email had arrived from my "one true love", the one that would take away all of my pain. I actually found someone within two weeks that wanted the job, or so I thought. "Yes, this time is different, my wait is finally over, he's going to love me, and I will love him..." We talked about our past and compared battle scars, each attempting compassion for the other, but coming from the empty place of wanting someone else to fill up that space. We believed if we took responsibility for each other we would be happy forever.

     As I began to fully practice my Inner Bonding daily I realized how empty, anxious and needy I had become. At first I blamed him for me feeling this way and the power struggle began. We spent ridiculous hour upon hour on the phone attempting to get filled and neither one of us was satisfied. I was in the old habit of not caring for myself and thinking that this was the sacrifice I had to make to be in a relationship. I believed he would see my giving and want to give back. However, during an Inner Bonding session, I woke up from my self induced misery and realized I was to blame for my emptiness and that even if he reciprocated in attention and giving I would never feel complete. I began to take care of my little girl and she began to feel important and noticed. I began to appreciate the messages from my little girl and guidance, and with that loved her enough to create my loving adult. I had to be willing to lose the man and not lose myself. The man did leave, never to be heard from again. Literally.

      I have since joined four different dating websites and have used internet dating as a learning experience and growth in my Inner Bonding practice. It's like my loving adult gym, it's growing a stronger and more loving adult. I check in with guidance and my little girl to see if I am acting out in old patterns. I do. When I recognize this as a learning opportunity, I bring God's compassion into my heart and bring love into my Wounded Self enough for me to release control and surrender to what is. I also ask guidance and my kid to help me sift through the profiles and choose who might be fun to get to know. I focus less on being accepted and more on making sure she feels loved by me. I experience moments of wanting control, especially on a recent date. He made my knees weak, but my loving adult sent me to yoga later that night to get me back in my body and loving my little girl. Dating becomes pleasant when you bring your loving adult along.