I was recently at the home of a friend's daughter, and she had affirmations taped on the walls everywhere.

"Are these helpful to you?" I asked.

"Not really," she answered. "I do them all the time but they don't seem to be doing anything. I've read about the law of attraction - that like attracts like - and I'm trying to just think positive thoughts. I wonder why it isn't working. Maybe the law of attraction isn't real."

Knowing of the work I do, she was interested in my opinion of this.
 

"What do you think about the law of attraction?" she asked.

"The problem is that most affirmations are stated from the conscious level of our mind. But there is another level, a subconscious level, that is also thinking thoughts, and these thoughts might be the complete opposite of the affirmation."

"But how do you know when you are thinking subconscious thoughts if they are subconscious?"

"We know by our feelings. Our feelings respond to our subconscious thoughts. If you are thinking something negative, you will feel anxious, scared, angry, stressed or depressed. Your feelings are letting you know that you are thinking and behaving in ways that are counter to what you are actually affirming."

"But I thought that if I ignored my negative feelings and just focused on positive thinking, I would start to feel better and get more of what I want."

"No, it doesn’t work that way. It is what we think about with positive emotion, like excitement, that has the power to manifest. Thoughts without any emotion have no power. It is the emotion behind it that gives the thought power. Do you have any emotion when you are saying affirmations?"

"No, I just say them."

"That's why they aren't working. There is no energy to propel the thought, no true investment in it. If, for example, you are saying this affirmation that is on your refrigerator, "My relationship is loving and harmonious," but consciously you are trying to control your partner into being more affectionate, and you feel resentful at the lack of affection, the negative intent prevails. This is why it is so important to pay attention to your feelings, which is the first step of the Inner Bonding process. The moment you are aware of feeling anxious or resentful, or any other negative feeling, you can then notice what you are telling yourself and how you are behaving that is causing the distressing feeling. It is only by attending to your thoughts and feelings in this way that you can make the subconscious conscious enough to be able to choose thoughts that create joy and excitement, rather than thoughts that create distress."

"Oh, this makes so much sense! Are you saying that it's not that there is anything wrong with affirmations, but that when we are also thinking something negative, which creates negative emotions, this is actually what we might be manifesting?"

"Yes, that's what I'm saying. So rather than ignoring your feelings or numbing them out with various addictions, it is vitally important to notice your feelings, as they are alerting you to whether your subconscious thoughts are positive or negative. You manifest when you think thoughts that move your heart and soul with a sense of passion and purpose. These are always thoughts about loving yourself and others, never thoughts about controlling others or controlling outcomes."

"I'm so glad I spoke with you! I'm definitely going to practice noticing my feelings and the thoughts that create them."

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