Giving Up Worry: Challenging the Wounded Self

Worry is so insidious; it gets under your skin. It's compelling and often supported by the culture. Aren't you worried about the election? Aren't the gas prices scary? Doesn't getting older make you worry about your health? Don't you worry about your children and their future? And on and on...it's such a way to bond with people! In terms of Inner Bonding, worry is just a way of indulging the Wounded Self. Worry thoughts create fear and fear is a product of false beliefs (lies we tell ourselves). The lie often is: If I worry about this or that, I have control over it. Ha! Isn't that the biggest lie? Don't we know tons of people (often our parents) who worried all their lives about things they could not control? Or if they thought they were controlling things like their weight, their budgets, their spouse, you, they did it with a sense of panic, fear, and stress. Who wants to live that way?

            Here's the rub, the only way to stop the worry addiction is to seriously pay attention to your thoughts. Worry can be happening constantly and if you are not used to noticing it, it can stay just below the conscious mind. However, whether you are just agitated or fully stressed, you probably have some kind of worry running through your mind.  You have to catch the pattern before you can change it. So make a decision to notice your worry thoughts all day long, then notice it without judgment. Say," oh there is a worry thought, and another." You can write them down and see quite a list. You may realize that you worry constantly.

            Once you see the pattern, you may want to dialogue with your Inner Worrier and find out what he or she is trying to control. Getting rejected? Losing your job? Ending up on the streets? Losing your partner? Ending up alone? Find out what the core fear is and ask Guidance if this is something that worry can control. If not, then it's time to talk to and hold your Inner Worrier. You might want to say "honey, I know that your job has been to keep us safe by keeping an eye on all the things that could go wrong. You have done an awesome job but you know what? Your job is over now. You don't have to keep your eye on all these things in my adult life. After all, you are only 6 years old! You need a break. I will hold you and show you how I can handle the adult things in my life."  The next step is to not allow the worry to take hold throughout the day. Whenever it comes up, you think or say, "no, we are not running worry little one" and literally stop the thought and hold the child. Bring in Guidance and ask Guidance to stay close and help you be in the present moment. Be willing to let the worry go.

            This is a major Inner Bonding practice. It takes time and it takes a loving attitude. Addictions do not change over night and worry can be a big one. The thing is, worry is not loving and it doesn't help. It does not make you more focused, competent, effective, clear, or expressive. Quite the opposite. Worry creates pain, constriction, body tension, and most important, a closed heart. I encourage you to take the Inner Bonding Worry Free Plunge and make room for something far better...Faith!