What would happen if you and everyone you meet were intent on how you could give to each other - how you could help each other and support each other in the highest good of all? Can you imagine what life would be like if everyone were like this? Imagine how fun and fulfilling life would be!

It is very sad that life doesn't work that way. While you might be focused on giving to yourself and others, too many people are focused on what they can get, or on giving to get. This creates lopsided relationships where one person gives and the other takes, and neither ends up feeling happy about it.

There is such joy in giving to someone who joyfully receives with an open heart, and who joyfully gives with no agenda. When you are giving with an agenda attached, your good feeling is not about the deep joy of giving and sharing, but rather the momentary pleasure of getting what you think you need and want.

If everyone were focused on giving for the joy of it, rather than on taking or giving with an agenda attached, then we would not have to be discerning about who we give to. But since this is not the way it is, we do need to learn to discern - regarding our own intent and another's intent. 

The Art of Discernment: Your Own Intent

Sometimes you know that you are connected with yourself and your guidance and you are so filled with love that you want to share it. When this is the case, you feel great joy and delight in giving to others who are open to sharing and receiving. But this is not always the case, and it is vitally important for you to always be honest with yourself regarding your intent. You might want to ask yourself these questions:

• Am I feeling full of love, or empty and needy right now?
• Am I focused on giving and sharing, or on getting something?
• If I'm focused on getting something, what am I trying to get?
  • Love
  • Attention
  • Connection
  • Approval
  • Caring
  • Understanding
  • Compassion
  • Acceptance
  • Validation
  • Sex
  • Openness from the other person
  • Time
  • Money
  • A material thing
  • Other

It's not wrong to want any of these. The problem comes when you believe that getting these things from another is what you need to feel happy, fulfilled, worthy, and safe. When you believe that you need something external to feel joyful and fulfilled, then your giving can be a form of control to try to get what you think you need.

Be honest with yourself about your intent! 

The Art of Discernment: Another's Intent

Being a naturally giving person, I used to give and give to everyone. I still do, but in a different way since I started to trust my ability to discern another's intent. I still give my compassion and acceptance to everyone, but I no longer give much time to others (other than my clients) when I experience them as being closed, empty, needy, or disconnected. I no longer expect that self-abandoning, judgmental, controlling people will become accepting, open and authentic, that takers will become givers, that aloof or withholding people will become friendly and forthcoming.

While I choose to keep my heart open to everyone, I no longer put myself in the position of being used by another, as I did in the past. Now, I trust the energy I'm picking up and when I don't experience open, friendly, authentically caring energy, I move on. When you have learned to love yourself and others, and you start to trust your feelings and your guidance - especially your feeling of loneliness around another - you will discover how easy it is to discern another's intent.

With discernment, you can begin to find those people with whom you can share the joy of giving!

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Develop Discernment and Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."