Have you ever had the experience of going along fine, feeling peaceful inside - and then something happens that triggers you into your anxiety, anger, stress, hurt, fear, depression and so on? Of course, it seems like it’s the external event that’s causing your feelings, such as someone yelling at you or blaming you, or issues with money or children or work, or rejection, engulfment, or other control issues. Suddenly, instead of happily flowing along in your open-hearted loving adult, your heart is closed and you are stuck in the peanut-size part of your lower left brain that is the home of the wounded self.

The stress in your body triggers thoughts that create even more stress, and you feel stuck in your anxiety or other painful feelings.

How can you consciously move from your close-hearted wounded self, back into the peace and open heart of your loving adult?

The Intent to Learn

The most important choice you need to make, once you are aware of your stressful feelings, is to decide that you really want to learn about what you are telling yourself, what you are believing, or what you are doing or not doing that is causing the stress. You can move into the intent to learn from the place within you that wants responsibility for your feelings.

Along with opening to learning about loving yourself, there are many other choices you can make that will help you move out of your wounded self. However, while all these choices can help you to feel better and move into your loving adult, you will not learn anything new unless you also have the intent to learn.

Getting Present

The wounded self is always focused on the past or future, so one of the first things you can do is focus on the present moment. If there is a lot of stress in your body, doing the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or doing some strenuous exercise such as running, can help move the stress out of your body and get you present in the moment. Other activities that may help you get present are things like deep breathing, gardening, being in nature, prayer and meditation, playing with a pet, listening to music, or even mundane activities like doing the dishes or cleaning the house.

For some people, doing a creative activity, such as art, writing, singing, or playing a musical instrument, can move you into your loving adult state.

Asking someone for help - someone who can really listen to you so that you can sort things out – may help too, as long as you really want the help rather than wanting that person to change or fix things for you. Also, stepping out of your own problems and reaching out to help someone else will almost always get you open-hearted and present in the moment.

Doing Inner Bonding

Once you feel open and present in the moment, do the Six Steps of Inner Bonding. Too often, once people feel better, they forget to do the learning that they need to do so that they don't keep getting triggered into their wounded self. Once you are calmer, utilize the situation that just occurred to explore what you were telling yourself or how you were treating yourself in response to the external event that triggered your stressful feelings.

The more you practice Inner Bonding every time you are triggered into your wounded self, the less you will get triggered by external events.

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."