Do you automatically resist others' control, even if what the other person wants you to do is something you want to do or would be in your highest good? Is not being controlled by someone - another person, God, or even your own controlling wounded self - more important to you than being loving to yourself?

You are stuck in the Resistance Syndrome, with resistance as your highest priority. In all likelihood, this is keeping you stuck in your life and isn’t bringing you joy.

Breaking this pattern is challenging. In your wounded self, you deeply believe that resisting is the only way of not losing yourself, the only way of maintaining your own sense of self. Paradoxically, in your efforts to avoid being controlled, you are being controlled by your resistance because you are not free to do what you want and support your highest good, as long as not being controlled is more important to you. 
 

The Way Out…

Fortunately, there is a way out of this dilemma. The way out is to decide that whether or not you are being controlled is irrelevent to you!

What does this mean?

The only way to be truly free is to decide for yourself - from your own loving adult who is connected with your spiritual guidance - what is right or wrong for you, good or bad for you, what you want or don't want. Only you, as a loving adult, can know what you want and what is in your highest good. When you decide that whether or not someone is trying to control you is irrelevant, you completely free yourself to make your own decisions. Once your loving adult is deciding what is in your highest good, there is no chance that you can lose yourself. Quite the opposite - you are now totally free to be your own person.

"But," you may be thinking, "What if the other person thinks he or she is controlling me? I don't want people to think they can control me."

Okay, think about this for a minute. Why does it matter what the other person thinks? The only reason it matters is if you are making the other person responsible for defining your worth. But what if you were to decide to define your own worth? If you are completely free, making your own decisions regarding what is in your highest good to do or not do, it doesn’t matter if the other person thinks he or she is controlling you. In reality, what negative effects will it have on your life if the other person believes he or she is controlling you? If you are worried about what people think, then you need to accept that it is more important to you to control what the other person thinks or feels about you - because you have made them responsible for defining you - than it is to be your own free person, define your own worth, and take loving care of yourself.

As long as you stay stuck in the Resistance Syndrome, you need to accept that not being controlled by others and controlling what others think of you is far more important to you than being free to take loving action on your own behalf. Yet, if you are honest with yourself and tune in to how it makes you feel to be so stuck in your life, you will have to acknowledge that living like this doesn't serve you well at all.
 

Try It for One Day…

Why not decide, for one day, to define your own worth and make whether or not you are being controlled unimportant to you? You really have nothing to lose and everything to gain by freeing yourself from the trap of resistance. Just for today, decide that, instead of being reactive to others, you will follow your own inner guidance regarding your intrinsic worth, what you want or don't want, and what is in your highest good. You might discover that the freedom for which you have been yearning is yours to choose!

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."