"The world is filled with willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them." ~Robert Frost

Take a moment to think about this quote by Robert Frost. Which are you? How much work are you willing to put into learning to love yourself and taking responsibility for your feelings? Or are you only willing to watch others do their inner work, hoping they will change in the way you want them to?

'Willingness.' This word is a major part of Step One of Inner Bonding. In order to move through the Steps, we need to be willing to feel our pain rather than avoid it. We need to be willing to discover what we might be doing – what we are telling ourselves and how we are treating ourselves – that may be causing our pain. We need to be willing to feel the very painful core feelings of life – the loneliness, heartbreak, grief, and helplessness over others and over life events - that occur when others are unloving, or when we experience loss of a loved one or loss of financial security, or when we witness people hurting other people.

If you are not willing to feel and learn from the pain you cause through your own self-abandonment, and you are not willing to feel and lovingly manage the pain of life, then you fall into the second group that Robert Frost is referring to – willing to let others do the work.
 

If you are not willing, or if your willingness is not strong and solid, why not?

What are you afraid of? Are you willing to discover your fears and false beliefs that stand in the way of your willingness, or are you also unwilling to open enough to discover these?

There is nothing right or wrong about being willing to do your inner work, but there are consequences to being unwilling.

The emotional consequences may be anger, anxiety, depression, shame, guilt, and a lack of joy, aliveness, and passion for life.

The physical consequences might be illness from the stress of self-abandonment, or from eating conveniently rather than lovingly.

The spiritual consequences might be feeling alone and empty, with no feeling of love inside.

The relationship consequences might be an inability to find or create a loving relationship.

The financial consequences might be an inability to manifest meaningful work that also financially sustains you. Or there might be plenty of money but you constantly feel anxious about losing it.

The organizational consequences might be that you can't get things done on time, that you are always late and stressed about it, or that your home or office is a cluttered mess.

Sure, you can sit by and hope that others will give you what you want, but even if they do, it's not going to bring you joy, aliveness and passion for life. These are the natural results of your willingness to learn to love yourself rather than continue to abandon yourself.
 

The wounded self likes to think that getting away with not doing your work will work for you.

But it never does. How old is the little kid in you who thinks getting away with not putting forth your best effort will make you happy? How old were you when you stopped being willing to do all you can do to learn, grow, and manifest your gifts? Do you really want to allow a small, scared child to determine your level of willingness?

Take a moment to think about what is in your highest good – to be willing to do the work, or to be willing to let others do the work? Be honest with yourself!

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."