The Crazy-making of Projection

I was raised by parents who consistently projected their disowned wounded aspects on to me, their only child. I was an overly-responsible child, but my mother told me I was irresponsible because she often shirked her responsibilities. She told me I was manipulating when she was the one manipulating. In addition to being very responsible, I had chosen not to have sex until I was in my late teens. However, my sexually-addicted father projected his sexuality on to me from the time I was 13, often warning me not to get pregnant, which was deeply confusing to me. At that time, I didn’t understand that what I felt was profound loneliness from being so unseen. Instead, I just felt badly, learned to take responsibility for their feelings, and became more and more compliant.

In my marriage, my husband often projected his uncaring behavior on to me, telling me that I was the uncaring one and blaming me for his feelings. Of course, since I had been deeply programmed to accept the blame, I continued to be a compliant caretaker, until I became very ill. Becoming ill was the only way my inner child had of letting me know that I couldn’t keep doing this and be okay. This is when I met Dr. Erika Chopich and Spirit brought us Inner Bonding, and I started to learn to love myself.

Confusion…

However, it took me a long time to understand the issue of projection. Time and again, when friends or family members projected their issues on to me, I would open to learning about what they were telling me, trying to understand what I was doing. One of the things that some family members consistently told me was that they couldn’t talk with me because I would spin things and turn it around on to them. This always confused me and I tried valiantly to hear what they were trying to tell me, but I remained confused about it.

Finally, one day my guidance enlightened me…

“These family members are projecting their disowned parts on to you, just as your parents did, and it’s crazy-making for you. Here is what is really happening: when they project onto you that you are closed, judgmental, rejecting, or that you are at fault for something in their lives, you get triggered into the old loneliness of feeling unseen, and you explain and defend. As soon as you do that, they then tell you that you are spinning things and turning it back on to them.

“You need to become very aware of projection and no longer take it on – no longer engaging with them when they do this. Just say, ‘This feels like a projection,’ or ’This doesn’t ring true for me,’ and disengage. You need to stop trying to get them to see you. You are the one who needs to see you – to see that you are being projected onto and crazy-made.”

Relief!

Wow! As soon as my guidance told me this, I immediately felt a deep sense of relief in my heart and soul. I saw the whole system in 3D, all the way back to the core pain I felt as a very small child, which I had to cover over because it was too big. I saw all that I had done over the years to avoid this existential pain, and that I didn’t have to avoid it anymore. Now, as a strong loving adult, I could lovingly manage this pain.

While I felt sad about all the years I’d accepted the projections, I felt joyful that I now understood something that had always caused such pain and confusion for me. I knew that I would never again allow anyone to project on to me the aspects of themselves that they denied.

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Photo by Geralt