Spiraling versus Arriving

So much of what we do in this society is based on the idea that there is an arrival point.

A place and time where we will finally ‘have it all’ ‘feel complete’ ‘reach that goal’ or ‘be at peace.’  This idea is fed daily by religions, media and marketing that thrive on our wounded belief that we are incomplete and imperfect.

And we feel the pull, because we feel incomplete and imperfect, partly because of personal histories that created self doubt and insecurity, but also because as humans unfolding, we literally are imperfect and incomplete.

This past weekend at a retreat I held, we sat in a circle. I could have squeezed more women into this retreat had we sat in rows, but I cannot resist seeing the power of a circle and the magic that unfolds each and every time.  The circle is a potent visual reminder of the cyclical nature of all of life that reminds us that arrival and perfection are illusions.

As we sat in a circle, sixteen women took their turn authentically sharing where they are in life and their intentions for this sacred day of connecting within.  As each woman told their story, we all rested in the remembrance that life is filled with challenges and joys;  the loss of loved ones, the confusion of losing oneself, the anxiety and overwhelm of daily life, and the painful personal histories, all blended with daily triumphs, sweet moments with friends and family, simple miracles and the beauty of our unfolding soul.

No completion, no perfection, no arrival, only spiraling.

And when we share in circle, hearts open, tears flowing, vulnerabilities given light… we remember that we are all in this together as we relate to the heartache, helplessness, loneliness, outrage that are part of life.  We see clearly, that there need be no judgment of each other or ourselves.

Inside I smile wide when I see this remembrance sinking in.  I have seen in my own life and those of my clients, that self-judgment which says we are the only ones who feel this broken, this imperfect, this incomplete is one of the most pervasive blocks to healing.

It seems to be our wounded nature to compare and it is especially what we do in a media driven world that pits us against each other and sells the lie of perfection.  But when we consciously open to the dark and light of our experience and hold it within the wide lens of Divine love, we heal. We laugh. We share our wisdom and remember the richness within us.   With the layer of self judgment that closes our hearts lifted, we hear the sweet voice of our soul, the clear voice of Divine love and know that what is right for us in each moment is within us. There are no answers ‘out there’.

In doing so, we embrace imperfection, and incompleteness as part of our inherent design.

In much the same way, a seedling that sprouts is incomplete. As it reaches the sky unfolding into a tall vibrant sunflower it is imperfect.

The idea of perfection is irrelevant. We are grateful for that unique sunflower’s shade of burnt umber merging with bright sunny gold.  We would not want her to be exactly like another.

As she stands in her full glory, she is still incomplete.  Her seeds are growing. As they mature, her petals fall. Her head bows.

Her body dries up.  Seeds fall and are blown in the wind.  Her body, now spent. Her seedhead, an empty carcass, falls to the earth.

Still incomplete, she decomposes and makes rich soil. Some seeds settle back into the earth, sprouting new seedlings and the circle begins again.  Some seeds are eaten by the wildlife and support the emergence of baby robins, sparrows and squirrels and their circle of life continues.

She has not arrived, but she has fully lived.