How Well Did I Learn To Let Go?

In the end these things matter most:

How well did you love?

How fully did you love?

How deeply did you learn to let go?

the Buddha

 

One of my clients asked herself a really powerful question...one that I told her would become a new article because I thought it was so powerful.

 

What is the difference between surrender and giving up?

 

My heart lit up when she asked herself this....my heart knowing that this question was vital to a deeper knowing of a beautiful truth. Although the appearance of "giving up" and "surrender" may look similar on the outside...to those just looking at actions....not paying attention to energy. The intention in each of them is different and such a beautiful lesson for me yesterday. My guidance said to me clearly as I shared with her....the difference is the energy of the intention. In surrender the heart is open and accepting of the truth, willing to accept the helplessness over what cannot be changed and acceptance about what is the truth. Making peace....letting go of the small view in favor of seeing all possibilities for oneself letting down the walls built to protect...the intent is to open and to learn....love and let go.

 

Giving up comes from an intent to control and protect. Choosing to control and shut down by giving up leaves me in my head...not letting go of what happened but ruminating about what I cannot control. Leading to anger, frustration, arguments all trying to control....prove something. I'm not letting go at all, but from a wounded place telling myself that if I give up then it was my choice and I win. At least that wounded part of me sees it as a win no matter how bitter, angry or resentful I am as I give up....and because it was MY choice...giving me a sense of control over the situation.

 

So this question, asked so casually of herself...became a beautiful lesson to share with others. I was so moved by the question I could feel the power of my question in all parts of my body...saying wake up....this is some important information. 

 

My guidance said, "Suzi, this has been your struggle in relationships...you've not yet learned to surrender to your experiences. You've fantasized and made others wrong rather than wanting to see....and often moved to the "I give up" place....secretly hoping someone would love you enough to not allow you to give up. Giving up for you is a deeply controlling place...you've not yet embraced surrender."

 

"Your kidding me?" I said, "but you might be onto something...."

 

"Surrender, is the intent to open your heart to the truth...letting go of as you would have it to embrace what is happening in the moment. In surrender there is an opening to beyond the limited thinking of the wounded self and opening to the possibilities the limited mind cannot see. Surrender has nothing to do with giving up and more to do with embracing all information with love and compassion."

 

"Oh, I get it.....it's that intention thing again...isn't it?"

 

"Yes Suzi, intention is what creates your experience....always intention."

 

In the end, I have learned in a deeper way that I never win when my intent is control how I feel about an outcome. Peace only comes when I surrender to the truth, and make the most loving decision from an open hearted state.