Subtle Self-Sabotage

Self-sabotage can be very subtle. It is always a result of perceived fear of change. Behind self-sabotage is ego wounded self. If you have not spent time to get to know and understand this part of you, you may feel like you have been trapped and enslaved by some foreign and powerful force.

Ego wounded self loves control over you and others, and dislikes any kind of change. It is very hardworking and constantly on alert. It is disconnected from Spirit and love. Healing and growth feel life threatening, so it carefully plans sabotage.

Stuck. Cannot Make a Decision.

My cousin shared with me that he would like to improve his energy level and resilience, however he does not know how. Should he start doing simple exercises to regain his energy, or maybe he should do some spiritual practice first?

He has two distinct parts in his personality that I call the Philosopher and the Scientist.

The Philosopher is very educated and knowledgeable in many areas, particularly in Eastern traditions. His knowledge about aikido, tai chi, chi gong, and different spiritual practices is stunning. Over the years he has created a large library. The benefits from practicing any of them are very well known to him.

The Scientist within him, the result of extensive education in physics and knowing energy workings inside out, is very logical and analytical. He is very patient with experiments that can take months, and loves to ponder over its results.

His Philosopher and Scientist are doing an excellent job in other areas of his life. But right now they are in charge of his well-being. Despite having plenty of information and knowledge there is no decision as to what the very next step is that he needs to take. Why is it so? He is wondering if this is a self-sabotage.

Take a Break.

The other type of self-sabotage is something that I encounter in my practice very often. It happens to people who have been on a spiritual path for quite a time.

Once they start making a shift, getting handle over difficult emotions, or begin to tap into joy and their essence shyly shines out, the change terrifies them and they reach out for a break. It is a very carefully crafted one. Something like "I will meditate more, read some good books, have down time with baths and soothing music" etc. Do not take me wrong, there is nothing wrong with these activities as long as they are not used to bypass real work.

Because these are very hard working individuals, a break actually looks like a very loving thing to do.

The Truth

The truth is, my cousin knows what his next step is. He knows anything is going to work as long as he keeps doing it. However, he is destined to feel some discomfort of feeling how inflexible his body has become, waking up earlier, saying no and making some time for himself, coming to terms that he is overweight and needs to give up the food he loves. He is going to experience a lot of initial discomfort. This is what his Philosopher/Scientist are trying to ‘save' him from, and the reason behind the indecision.

For a person who begins to understand their own feelings, make sense of the reactions, and begins to take care of their inner child.. a break to take it easy is again coming. The ego wounded self  is terrified of losing control, things changing, and emergence of the Loving Adult.

The Body Speaks

When we do not take loving actions and ignore the child within us, it has no other option but to throw a ‘tantrum' and demand our attention. A tantrum can be anxiety, fear, depression, fatigue, nervous tension or anything that can be felt in the body. How many times have you heard someone saying "it just happened out of the blue"? We are so conditioned to tune out of the body, to suppress or deny any warning signs.

Not taking action and staying inactive may spare my cousin some discomfort for a bit of a time, but his body has already warned him. When he is tired and stressed out, the very next day he wakes up with broken capillaries in the eye, and his blood pressure spikes.

A person who took a break may wake up one day completely fatigued, anxious or depressed, and not understand why. This doesn't make sense after eating good food, taking walks in nature, listening to music, and meditating on feelings,  But it does.

• Inner battle. In the absence of a loving adult, most of the time ego wounded child wins and tries to keep things the same. This may be uncomfortable, yet it is familiar. When the inner child does not want to be silenced any more, it demands your attention. It speaks to you through the feelings felt in your body: shallow breathing, knot in the belly, anxiety or a sense of warmth and contentment. The messages it sends are very clear.

• Loss of control. As you advance on your growth or healing path, and you start aligning with your true self, your ego wounded self follows you hoping to take over, regain control, and keep the things the same old way. It's methods get more and more sophisticated and subtle.

• It is all about perseverance . Any kind of change in life causes a certain level of discomfort and resistance. Those reactions are normal whenever there is even a bit of uncertainty or unknown ahead of us. Do not insist on having completely mapped out the steps you need to take, or how things should turn out. Take one day at a time. Accept that you may make a mistake or sabotage yourself, but that is a part of learning. As you persist, things become more familiar and discomfort fades away, until you are ready for a brand new level. Such is the path of growth and healing.

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Ivanka Jankovic is a Holistic Energy Practitioner, as well as the founder of Gaia Holistic Center. Ivanka facilitates lasting change for growth oriented or spiritually minded people who feel overwhelmed, fatigued, frustrated and stuck. Through their work with Ivanka they are able to finally and permanently reclaim their vitality, create loving relationships and recapture the Joy they are missing.