Intrinsic Gifts

This year will mark the 10th anniversary since I started to teach tai chi. I am eternally grateful to my teacher Sonia who pushed me to teach despite all my protests and excuses that I was not ready. It has been a great experience, and the first one that made me step into a lime light. The very thing I've always tried to avoid.

Over the years many students told me the same thing over and over again. They liked the way I teach, enjoyed my class and were very grateful for all the corrections that helped them do moves easier. Mind you most of them are seniors with health issues but incredible Sprit that I adore. Every time I've heard those words an invisible wall showed up, deflected them not allowing me to own them. Or I would forget and dismiss what I've heard instantly. I was acutely aware of my reaction as well of 'What's with her?' look on a student's face.

Learning and sharing the knowledge has always been my passion. I tutored math or physics since sixth grade to my cousins, brother and other kids, though I was a kid myself. I was aware that all of them who struggled had exactly the same expectations:

• That it should be easy.
• Somebody should pour the knowledge into their brain.
• When they encounter a bit challenging homework they came with blank page, there was not any attempt to start solving the problem.
• Talent somehow bypassed them.

As I voiced my frustration my mother would say: "It is easy to you. But it is hard for them. And you do not understand that." I felt like there was some kind of cosmic mistake that gave me the knowledge, and bypassed them. But they were the ones who got a lot of support not to mention attention and time. In order to be seen I learned to minimize my gifts as they were hurting me.

Last week was the last day of 4 months beginners tai chi course that happened to be also an open house for the new class. As it is usual during the open house I thought the whole group the first 3 moves just to get a bit of taste what is tai chi about. At the end all students from the previous group before they left, came one by one and told me: They were very pleased with the class and the way I teach and explain the moves. They enjoyed it very much. This time the invisible wall did not show up and I was able to take in their words by saying: Thank you.

As I mingled around and gave away registration forms to newcomers I ended up chatting with a couple that already learned 17 moves and now want to learn the whole set. And they said: We love the way you teach. It is simple. We know what to do with our hands and feet. We are signing up. Yet again I said thank you and was able to take in those words. The invisible wall did not show up. Why?

Sometime last year I made a decision to start honouring, cherishing and appreciating my gifts. I was sick and tired of waiting for others to have what they want in order to shine my own light. I made a ritual and told my inner child how gifted she is, how grateful I am for having the opportunity to take care of her, named all the gifts one by one: intuitive, empathetic, loves to learn, joyful, easy to love, easy to be with etc. At the beginning the words were mechanic and sounded fake but my little girl responded with: I LOVE this. As I kept doing this simple ritual the words became more natural and warm.

I also explored my false beliefs around intrinsic gifts. I let go of the idea that I was given the ability to learn and enjoy it while others were not. I clearly saw the difference between 'talented' people, and people that struggled with anything. 'Talented' people were willing to persist in learning, came back and tackled the problem again whenever they've met an obstacle, while 'non talented' people simply quit at the first sign of difficulty.  I could see that all of us have unique gifts and talents, and I started to see them in people who were completely unaware of their gifts. It was fascinating to see how some of them believe that they need to work hard to tap into their gifts when they were right under their nose the very things that were completely effortless to them. But they seem to be invisible the same way water is to a fish.

Some people were using their gifts in their everyday life. They were saying how much they love what they do, but there was an invisible shadow of fear that somehow it could end.

A person will stay unaware of his/her gifts as long as there is a disconnection from his/her Essence/True Self. Intrinsic gifts are so natural, easy, effortless, but they are hidden under layers and layers of false/limiting beliefs, fears and wrong expectations. They cannot be found in media and latest trends. They are in each and every Heart no exceptions.

"Everyone has been made for some particular work, and the desire for that work has been put into every heart." Rumi

Ivanka Jankovic is Holistic Practitioner in private practice trained in Aromatherapy, Inner Bonding and Bach Flower essences. She helps people to restore balance into their life, and create a life of joy, fulfilment, purpose and deep meaning. She works with people locally, nationally and internationally via phone or Skype.