Are You Forgetting Your Guidance?

Gerald was raised in a family whose God was money and success. There was no religion practiced and neither of his parents had any spiritual connection. Gerald grew up focused on externals only - looks, performance and material possessions.

Gerald started counseling with me because his second marriage was falling apart and his work as a corporate attorney was unsatisfying to him. He felt empty and anxious much of the time and was wondering what life was supposed to be all about.

While Gerald was unable to visualize a Source of Guidance, whenever I asked him to ask his Guidance about the truth and the loving action, Gerald always came up with profound answers. The moment he opened to learning about truth and loving action, information flowed through to him. He was amazed at how easily he was able to access information from Spirit.

Yet whenever Gerald became stressed, whether over work or a relationship situation, instead of remembering to open to his Guidance for help, he would become stuck in a downward spiral of rumination and anxiety. He would often stay in an anxious state until our session. In our session I would always help him reconnect with his Guidance. He would get the answers he needed and always felt so much better by the end of the session. Yet by the next session, he was again disconnected and in stress.

"Did you go to your Guidance?" I always asked.

"No, I forgot, " he would invariably answer.

Gerald is not the only one who consistently forgets to go to Guidance. I hear this over and over with many of my clients. Most people either forget to tune into their feelings in Step One or forget to open to learning with their Guidance in Step Four - or forget both - most of the time. In other words, they forget to practice Inner Bonding. They stay in anxiety and stress instead of practicing Inner Bonding and moving through their difficult feelings.

Why does this happen?

The bottom line of why this happens has to do with control being more important than learning about loving. Because Gerald grew up with looks, performance and material possessions as his focus, he is deeply addicted to having control over the outcome of things regarding money and approval. He gets stuck in anxiety because his attention is on how he can control the outcome of things rather than on what is loving to himself and to others. As long as control is more important than loving, Gerald will forget to do Inner Bonding.

Yet even when Gerald achieves the outcomes he wants - the relationship he wants, the money he wants, the approval he wants - nothing changes internally. He still feels empty inside. Anxiety and emptiness are the inevitable results of staying in the wounded self and focusing on controlling the outcome of things. Gerald has been trying to control for so long that he has completely lost touch with his essence. As a result, he believes that there is nothing inside, that he is empty, that he has no soul. This deep false belief that he really has no essence perpetuates his desire to control. The thinking of the wounded self is that, "I am a fraud. Since there is no wonderful essence and I really am empty inside, I must cover that up with my looks and performance in order to get the attention and approval I need." The more Gerald tries to control, the emptier he feels, and the emptier he feels, the more he tries to control.

Until Gerald is willing to take the risk, the "leap of faith," to find out whether or not he has an essence and whether or not Guidance really is here for him, he will stay stuck in emptiness. Until becoming a loving person is more important than controlling outcomes, Gerald will stay stuck in anxiety. The wounded self in all of us is so addicted to control that the idea of opening to feelings and to Spirit is terrifying to this part of us. Our wounded self believes that things will fall apart if we don't attempt to maintain control. Until you are willing to risk having things fall apart, and risk finding out whether or not you are empty - or whatever else you fear, you will not open to learning with your feelings and your Guidance.

When loving becomes more important than controlling, you will no longer forget to practice Inner Bonding. You will remember to connect with yourself and with your Guidance whenever loving is your highest priority. Then you will discover that, not only do things not fall apart and you are not empty, things actually get a lot better! Then you will discover the fullness of being that comes from connection with yourself and with Spirit.