Lesson 5: Step Four of Inner Bonding

Dialogue with your spiritual guidance, exploring the truth and loving action toward your Inner Child.

Once you understand which of your thoughts/false beliefs and actions cause you pain, you are ready to learn the truth about those beliefs and discover what new, loving action you need to take on your own behalf. This information will come to you through a dialogue with your spiritual guidance.

Accessing the Spiritual Realm

All physical matter vibrates at a specific frequency. This has been confirmed by science. The spiritual realm exists at a higher frequency- a higher vibration - than the earthly realm. One way to understand .frequency. is to imagine a room filled with people who are sharing love and joy with each other. This room has a feeling of lightness - a high frequency - whereas a room filled with angry, tense people has a feeling of heaviness - a low frequency. 

In order to access the higher frequency of the spiritual realm, you must raise your own frequency. There are numerous things you can do to raise your frequency. First, though, you must truly have the intent to learn with your spiritual guidance about loving yourself and others. When you have a true, pure intent to learn, your frequency automatically raises. Your intent to learn is your most powerful tool for raising your frequency. None of the actions we suggest below will raise your frequency without this intent. However, once you have this intent, the following actions can help to further raise your frequency.

• Move into your imagination. Imagination itself is a high frequency state. Our willingness to move into and trust our imagination is essential to being able to connect with our personal spiritual guidance. When you first begin to utilize your imagination to increase your frequency and connect with your guidance, you might feel as if you are just making things up. However, as you take the risk of trusting what you think you are .making up,. you will discover that it really is coming through you from Spirit rather than from you.

• Keep your body clear. Your body is an energy system. If your body.s energy is clogged with drugs, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, sugar, heavy foods, lots of food or foods contaminated with pesticides, preservatives, artificial sweeteners or any of the thousands of chemicals that are added to foods, your frequency is lowered.

• Pray. Sincere prayers of gratitude and asking God for help in healing all blocks to loving can raise your frequency.

• Chant. Repetitive prayers (such as the rosary), chants and mantras can open you to higher frequencies, as can singing in general.

• Dance. Rapid repetitive movement, such as Native American drumming dances, and other forms of expressive dancing may open you to higher frequencies. Drumming itself can also raise the frequency.

• Spend time in nature. The frequency of a city is far lower than the frequency of nature. Being among trees and flowers, near a river, creek or lake, at the ocean, in the desert, or on a mountain can all raise your frequency.

• Listen to classical or spiritual music, such as Bach, Vivaldi, Handel and some of Mozart.s work, as well as Kitaro, Taize, and Gregorian and Indian chants. Throughout the ages music has been used to raise the frequency.

• Do creative, artistic activities, such as painting, sketching, or working with clay. Moving into your creative imagination raises the frequency.

• Use incense, aromatherapy, or do .smudging.. Incense has been used for centuries to raise the frequency and invite spiritual connection. .Smudging. is using the smoke from various dried plants such as sage, pine, cedar and lavender to clear the energies in a room and raise the frequency. Smudging has been used for thousands of years by indigenous peoples throughout the world. 

Connecting with Your Spiritual Guidance

What does dialoguing with your spiritual guidance mean? Naturally, it means different things to different people. Our spirituality is as individuals we are. Some people find they can dialogue directly with God, whatever their concept of God is: a person, an energy or simply light.Others dialogue with a personal Teacher (also called a Master Teacher); an Ascended Master; a religious figure like a saint, a guide or a guardian angel; a beloved deceased relative, friend or pet; a power animal; or with an image of the highest part of themselves. Even young children can contact their guidance by imagining a coach or a fairy godmother. 

If you have no connection with any kind of personal spiritual guidance, imagine an older wiser part of yourself -your Higher Self. If find it difficult to open to your imagination and create this guidance, utilizing some of the Inner Bonding books, tapes, visualizations, workshops and intensives that are available can help you learn to access this guidance, as can working with an Inner Bonding facilitator in person or on the phone.  

If you practice dialoguing with your spiritual guidance - or with whatever or whomever feels loving and comforting to you - asking questions and .imagining. the answers, eventually you will feel and know through your own experience that a spiritual being is actually helping and guiding you. You will develop a relationship with this light being, and you will find answers to your questions coming more and more easily. You will also discover that you are never alone. When you imagine your guidance in any form with an intention to learn about becoming a more loving human being, you access the comfort, power, love, compassion, peace, joy and wisdom that is here for you.

Imagining a being of light - or light itself - surrounding you with love can energize your being and bring you great comfort. Being connected with Spirit is like being connected with an infinite source of power. It is the difference between trying to light your way with a small flashlight and rundown batteries, or with a huge lamp plugged into an industrial-strength wall socket. Our wounded self is exhausted from running on batteries. We have only to plug into the infinite source that is God to energize our beings.

Trust the Process, the Answers Will Come

The universe is filled with the energy of love and truth. It is filled with all the information there is and it has the answers to all our questions. Just because you cannot see this energy does not mean it is not there. When you turn on your TV, a picture shows up, even though you cannot see the waves coming through the air. We are like TVs. We are receivers and our intent to learn about loving is the .on. button. When we ask a particular question, we tune in to a particular channel. 

Often when I work with people, they say, .I don.t know how to take care of my Inner Child. I don.t know how to be a loving Adult..It.s true. Many of us don.t know how because we haven.t had anyone do it for us. We haven.t had any role-modeling. The good news is that you do not have to know how to do it, you just need to be willing to ask. That.s why Step Four includes asking your spiritual guidance what loving action you should take.

Asking your guide, God or your Higher Self questions about the truth of your beliefs and about what is loving behavior toward your Inner Child will eventually result in answers, although sometimes they do not come immediately. They may pop into your head when you least expect it. They may come to you in a dream or when talking to a friend, in meditation or when you are in the shower. They may come verbally or in pictures or in feelings. You may open a book and find your answer, or meet someone who says the exact thing you need to hear. But whatever form your answers come in, know that they will light the way for your next step.

When you sincerely ask the questions, .What is the truth about this belief?. and .What is the loving action in this situation?. you open the channel for this information to come through you. We have long been told to .ask and you shall receive.. Try it. It really does work.

Steps Three and Four: Example of the Dialogue Process

The following brief dialogue was written down by Samuel, who was upset that he had started smoking again after recently getting married. He had not smoked in a long time. He was deeply in love with his wife, Ariel, and felt very loved by her, and was totally perplexed as to why he was suddenly smoking again.

Loving Adult:Why are you smoking again? I.m sure there.s a good reason. Is there some way I.m not taking care of you? I really want to know what the problem is.

Wounded Self: I feel anxious a lot. I'm smoking because I feel anxious and tense.

Loving Adult: But what are you anxious about?

Wounded Self:I just want to make sure Ariel is happy. She seems so happy when I'm with her, so I try to be with her a lot, and then I don't have time to do other things I want to do--or have to do. And I never have any time alone anymore.

Loving Adult: Well, would you feel better if we spent more time alone?

Wounded Self: I don't know. I'm afraid that then Ariel would not be happy and that scares me.

Loving Adult: Are you saying that you feel responsible for Ariel's happiness?

Wounded Self:Yes. Aren't we together to make each other happy? Dad made sure that Mom never felt alone. He was always available for her. Mom would get angry and sullen if Dad wasn't there when she wanted him there.

Loving Adult: And you believe Ariel is the same way?

Wounded Self: I don.t know, but I.m afraid she is.

Loving Adult: Do you want us to be with her like Dad was with Mom?

Wounded Self: I don.t know. I just feel trapped. I love Ariel, but I hate not being able to do what I want to do.

Loving Adult: It sounds like I am making Ariel.s feelings and needs more important than ours--that I am taking care of her Child instead of taking care of you, and it is making you very anxious. I can see that smoking gives us an excuse to have some time alone. I.ve given up some of the things that are important to us, like going to the gym, and I smoke when I feel anxious about this. So, Higher Power, what would be loving toward myself?

Higher Power: Plan time to go to the gym and have time alone--you have to plan it into your day just as you plan time to work and sleep and spend time with Ariel. If you don't plan it, it won't happen.

Loving Adult: How do I deal with my anxiety if Ariel is sad or upset about my doing this? Do I have the right to take care of myself if she is upset?

Higher Power: Ariel's feelings are her own responsibility. Your well-being is your responsibility. You have the right and the responsibility to take good care of yourself. You can be caring about Ariel, but let her handle her own feelings.

Loving Adult: What do I do if she gets mad at me, or gets sullen like Mom?

Higher Power: Taking good care of yourself is loving behavior. Keep telling yourself that you are being loving to yourself and to Ariel when you take care of yourself. You can open to learning with her and explore the conflict with her, and both of you will learn a lot.

Loving Adult: So if I start to exercise again and take time alone for myself and keep telling myself that this is loving to both me and Ariel, maybe I can get through this anxiety without smoking. And when she gets mad or sullen, I need to remind myself of all this--that I am being loving and that I'm not responsible for her feelings and let her work them out or offer to explore with her. Sounds good to me, but I guess I.ll have to try it and see how it works.

Until tomorrow - best!